| Jeff Foxworthy | Bill Engvall | “If you’ve done everything except make a hit show, you might be Jeff Foxworthy.” |
| Chevy Chase | Greg Giraldo | “You made 3 good movies… and 40 awful ones.” |
| Bob Saget | Norm Macdonald | “Bob has a beautiful face—like a cauliflower!” |
| Pamela Anderson | Jeffrey Ross | “Courtney Love looks worse than Kurt Cobain right now.” |
| Donald Trump | Snoop Dogg | “Not the first time he pushed a Black family out of their home.” |
| Justin Bieber | Martha Stewart | “Make a shank in prison—Bubbalicious gum works best.” |
| Charlie Sheen | Anthony Jeselnik | “You’re famous because God hates Michael J. Fox.” |
| Charlie Sheen | Amy Schumer | “You’re just like Bruce Willis—big in the ‘80s, replaced by Ashton Kutcher.” |
| Rob Reiner | Triumph the Insult Comic Dog | “Even David Crosby thinks you’ve let yourself go!” |
| William Shatner | Betty White | “Wrap it up, Bill, the roast is about to start!” |
| Charlie Sheen | Patrice O’Neal | “Didn’t even bother learning Jeselnik’s last name.” |
| William Shatner | George Takei | “It’s Takei—like toupee!” |
| James Franco | Natasha Leggero | “You do everything—badly.” |
| Joan Rivers | Joan Rivers (self) | “Tom Arnold’s been in rehab more times than Gerald Ford in the White House.” |
| Flavor Flav | Jimmy Kimmel | “You’re like a James Brown open casket.” |
| David Hasselhoff | Whitney Cummings | “Pam, just drink Magic Johnson’s blood and save time.” |
| Bruce Willis | Joseph Gordon-Levitt | “A 10-year-old acted better than you in The Sixth Sense.” |
| Alec Baldwin | Ireland Baldwin (his daughter) | “You lose Emmys, Oscars… and custody of me.” |
| Chevy Chase | Al Franken | “Chevy Chase, Maryland tried to rename itself Not Funny.” |
| Hugh Hefner | Gilbert Gottfried | Saved a bombing joke with “The Aristocrats” story. |
| Jonas Brothers | Wives & Pete Davidson | “You’re so squeaky clean, even your scandals are rated PG.” |